Lohan’s Gold Mine

Lindsay Lohan should have opted for jail instead of extended probation for her 2007 DUI (Dumb, Unconscious Idiocy). With her Dad trying to seek a conservatorship, she’d be better off behind bars. Prison bars, Lindz, not drinking establishments.

LiLo tells ‘Us,’ “I’m so hurt that someone who calls himself my father, needs to use the press to communicate with me.”

Whew. I’m still astounded that someone who doesn’t want her father to use the press to communicate with her uses the press to communicate her business with EVERYBODY.

She also lamented, “It’s so sad that he needs to stay in the media spotlight by using my name and making up excessive lies. He should instead try to be a real father.”

Poor Lohans. Somebody needs to get them into Britney Bootcamp with Jamie Spears as their conservator. Now there’s a guy who can turn a dirtbag into a goldmine.

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The Others Sighed

Woody Harrelson, Giovanni Ribisi, Dave Matthews and Alanis Morissette must have let out a collective breath of despair upon learning Lindsay Lohan is joining their cast of indie flick ‘The Other Side.’ 

The fantasy-comedy will feature Lohan as a grad student working at a scientific institute on a remote island amidst a community of eccentrics hiding a secret about a past tragedy.

Shooting starts this October on an island near Massachusetts with director David Michaels who says of Lohan,

“Lindsay’s very aware of people’s perceptions of her. She’s really committed to doing what she has to in order to change that.”

Hey, good luck with that!

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Lindsay GoTan

After a brief hook up with ex-girlfriend Samantha Ronson on Friday (or was it a string-along?), Lindsay Lohan picked up her string bikini and headed for Hawaii to soak up some self-tanner.

Skinsay spent the weekend with friends and little sister Ali.

While LiLo was pining, Stick was dining… with a lemon slice and lettuce leaf in New York.

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Lo-hang Blind-Sided By Ronson

Today on Ellen, Lindsay Lohan admitted she was surprised about her break-up with Samantha Ronson, who just, “like disappeared. I had no idea what was going on. I just hadn’t seen her in, like, a week.”

Surely, Ellen can relate to Lindsay after her alien lover Anne Heche also disappeared only to later turn up incoherent in a farmer’s field making crop circles.

DeGeneres admitted after that fiasco, her career disappeared. “I went away … and I literally hibernated and got myself back together.”

Lindsay noted that she wanted to get her career back in shape and perhaps being single was the best way to make it happen.

“You know when people are together so much it gets really difficult and you forget who you are because you’re more concerned about being with the other person. I think it’s been really good for me. I thought it would be so much harder and it hasn’t been. My sister’s been here with me.”

Like she needs to expose teenaged Ali to her dramarama.

Lohan also hinted that there still may be a future for her and Ronson. “I really care about Samantha and we’ll see what happens. Maybe when we’re fully in the right place. And I love her.”

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Skinsay Lohan

No Peepshow For LiLo

The Queen of Clubs

No stranger to showing her peeps, The Queen of Clubs, Lindsay Lohan, may soon be starring topless in the burlesque production, ‘Peepshow’.

Best Bi

In a few short years, Lindsay Lohan went from Fez (‘member that guy from ‘That ’70s Show’?) to Lez. But on her eharmony dating video spoof for funnyordie.com, Lindsay reveals she’s looking for a ‘he or she.’

So what’ll it be for this redhead with a little sass? A boy or a girl? Maybe one of each? Once you go bi, you can never say bye.

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Don’t Mess With the Lohan

Lindsay Lohang

Get a load of Lohan! This is what happens to unemployed young starlets who run out of Coke to drink?, crap to buy, cigarettes to smoke and people to text.

When the paparazzi come flashin’, time to flash back!

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